How to Stop People Pleasing and Take Your Power Back

I recently turned 31, and with that came a moment of reflection. Looking back on the past year I can honestly say it’s been filled with growth, challenges, and some deep AF lessons.

But one lesson, in particular, really hit me recently.

It came through a situation in my business that triggered me more than I expected. I felt angry, frustrated, and honestly… reactive as hell! Someone outside of my business was trying to control what I could and couldn’t do, and I found myself spiralling in emotion.

I hate to say this but at that moment, it felt good. Not in the sense that I was “feeling good” about the situation, but that the reaction in me felt visceral and rage-filled.

Of course, there’s a deeper truth I had to face: it wasn’t actually about them… it was about me. Surprise surprise!

When something triggers you deeply, it’s rarely just about the situation itself (I know, so annoying). It’s actually about what it represents within you. It’s a GD mirror. A reflection of something unresolved, unacknowledged, or even suppressed.

Instead of staying in the frustration (which though fun, would not be useful), I decided to do the work and unpack this in real time. Practice what you preach!

I asked myself: “Why is this affecting me so much?”

Through a simple shadow work process, I uncovered something powerful. The traits I was judging in this person (being inconsiderate, setting boundaries, not caring what others think) were actually things I had suppressed within myself A.K.A. I would never allow myself to do those things.

It’s not how I want to be perceived because MY perspective was projecting back at me.

BAM.

That’s the thing about projection: we often react to others for embodying something we’ve either rejected or denied within ourselves.

Once I noticed and accepted that, everything shifted.

The anger dissolved. The charge disappeared. And I was left with something strange… no emotional charge.

That’s what healing often looks like. Not love, not approval… just neutral.

This experience reminded me of something important: living life on your terms means taking full responsibility for your internal world. It means not handing your power over to other people’s actions, opinions, or behaviours.

Trust me, the moment you say, “they made me feel this way,” you’ve already given your power away. Byeeee. 

No one gets to dictate how you live your life unless you let them.

I saw this reflected again in a conversation with a friend, who was afraid to make a decision because of what her family might think. Underneath that fear it wasn't really about them.

It was her own judgement of herself.

Her fear that others would confirm what she secretly believed about herself. That’s where so many of us get stuck = living for approval of others instead of alignment of ourselves.

Here’s your reminder: people don’t have to agree with you to love you.

You are allowed to choose your path, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else… at the end of the day, your life is yours darling.

And the more you own that, the freer you become!